I have experienced encounters with the Holy Spirit throughout my life but the most powerful was when my husband of 48 years passed into eternity. As I struggled with the pain of oppressive grief, that followed his death, God asked me not to pursue another marriage, but to give my life to Him. I said yes and my life has changed dramatically with that commitment of total surrender to His Will. I made a promise to Him, and myself, I would not take back that surrender. I had good intentions of following His Will many times, previously, throughout my life, but found I would always fall back to following my own will making life decisions without His guidance and consultation. He taught me to take all decisions to prayer and wait for His answer.
This revealed to me I was not, and never had been in control of my life! Holy Spirit gave me the grace of being aware of His presence. Actually He trained me in my grief, giving me the grace to pray unceasingly, which I had been seeking for many years, by realizing that He is with me every moment of the day; yes in all the little things in life, for the little things lead to the big moments we cherish. I just have to be aware and listen to when He speaks what He is telling me.
I know He has the full picture of my life before Him with all the awesome plans He has for me. I have only bits and pieces of my life’s puzzle but He is slowly revealing to me with His love and consolations, how He has always directed my life. I am beginning to see how He is leading me to what is best for me, to glorify Him and to see Him in all that I do. He is pouring His love into me by involving himself in the little decisions in my life. I just need to keep my heart and mind open to His love and guidance that He wants to give me.
He has gifted me with the virtue of Faith. Now He is growing my Faith and our relationship exponentially; by healing my brokenness and making me whole again. The most painful and beautiful part of this experience was in this oppressing grief I was going through; He grew me spiritually to such a level of joy and understanding, revealing to me the hidden mystery that He was growing me in my pain. The pain was very real but the awe inspiring presence of Him overcame the pain. Looking back I am so grateful that His love and mercy gave me the fortitude to keep going. He filled me with His strength, consoled me in my grief, kept me mentally alert, emotionally balanced and gave me the desire to eat when I had no appetite and the gift of a good nights rest!
I have always heard that we wait upon the Lord for Him to reveal to us what we need to know. I believe He waits upon us to open our hearts to listen, to hear His sweet small voice of love. He calls to us, He thirsts for us, waiting for us to come to Him in prayer to grow our relationship of love with Him. Holy Spirit taught me to trust in His inspirations because it is His voice of direction that I am hearing in my heart. Always accompanied by 3 confirmations and sometimes more; always!! We must be alert to the confirmations or we will miss them! This secular world can pull us out of His presence if we allow it to rule and consume the majority of our time. Quiet time for God with gratitude and thanksgiving for His grace and consolations is a must.
I have never experienced such extreme joy and extreme pain together. In all stages of my spiritual life the Holy Spirit has consoled me in some measure. He knows what I require answering my needs and relieves my pain with consolations and joy. Joy and pain can exist together within a person, united by the golden ring of Christ’s love. I am proof of it, I can feel His healing power filling the void that Frank’s death created. I have found the Supernatural life is a life of Divine love producing fruits of living in the joy of His all encompassing love along with the delight of loving others. I have placed my complete Trust in Him in all areas of my life. Holy Spirt touched my heart, picked me up from the depths of despair and has given me mountain top experiences.
In retrospect it was a lack of love for my Lord that had me vacillating back and forth in our relationship earlier in my life. Living in my complacency and pride I chose to stay in my self made comfort zone, and that was my illusion.
God is the real true love of our lives. There are no words to express the depth of His love because we do not think as He thinks. We cannot love with a perfect love as He loves us. He sees us in our glorious bodies. He sees us as we cannot possibly see ourselves. He sees us as He made us to be, but accepts us as we are, with our sinful nature, pouring His divine mercy into us. Hope is to acknowledge that we desire God as our ultimate joy, and we are able to pursue union with Him before all else. It is my desire to share in the love of the Trinity. To be encased in their mantle of love allowing me the capability of loving God with a perfect love when I pass into eternity. In the end all that is real, all that truly exists for us is LOVE…
Until next time.
Eva
Prayer to the Holy Trinity~~CCC260 O my God, Trinity whom I adore, help me forget myself entirely so to establish myself in you, unmovable and peaceful as if my soul were already in eternity. May nothing be able to trouble my peace or make me leave you, O my unchanging God, but may each minute bring me more deeply into your mystery! Grant my soul peace. Make it your heaven, your beloved dwelling and the place of your rest. May I never abandon you there, but may I be there, whole and entire, completely vigilant in my faith, entirely adoring, and wholly given over to your creative action.102